


bad boys like me (are good for you)

by johnjaes



Series: The Love Stories of Constipated Dumbass, Satan Spawn and Whipped Idiot [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, Underage smoking and drinking, a lot of renjun's inner turmoils, ah yes last but not least, fluff tho, lapslock!!!!, lotsa cussing, mentions of terminal illness and minor character death (all in one sentence lol), this is a bit cliche, with slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 15:06:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10642362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnjaes/pseuds/johnjaes
Summary: renjun is a misunderstood bad boy who wears leather jackets and treasures his bike more than his life. chenle is the prim and proper student who just wants to be student council president. it’s really cliche, but they make it work somehow.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this was written for the nct fiesta, [prompt #4](http://nctfiesta.livejournal.com/4822.html) on livejournal.
> 
> Renjun, that delinquent who owns a shiny black motercycle, offers Chenle a ride back home.
> 
> and yes, i totally blew this out of proportion. enjoy!

 

 

 

fall sweeps in through the doors in the form of crinkling leaves and dried grass that scatters everywhere, from pavement to doorstep (much to his distaste, they get stuck between the metal of his tyres sometimes, which he spends hours clearing out). the second semester kick starts with a student council election that takes place after finals that everyone is buzzing around about.  
  
how he wishes that he cares.  
  
“can you pay attention for like, one second?” comes jaemin’s questioning, tone heavy with accusation and expression unimpressed at his inability to give a fuck.  
  
it’s not exactly his fault that he’s not very interested in his best friend’s forever crush on the school’s pet (they don’t call jeno that in front of jaemin, knowing how much he hates it. but it’s no lie, lee jeno is like a public subject of affection that goes around making everyone swoon over his bubbly personality and pretty face. jaemin just likes to think that he’s special whenever jeno spares him a smile.) and seriously, the venting is getting a bit pathetic.  
  
“i’m all ears, bud.” renjun raises his arms in a ~~feigned~~ universal gesture of submission and watches jaemin deflate in the seat next to him, any previous rage strewn out the window. “it’s no big deal, man. just ask him out, kiss him and drive him around on your bike-”  
  
“because all the nerds dig that shit.” donghyuck inputs, quite helpfully (no, not really). “dude, are you seriously taking relationship advice from this dumbass?” he makes a thumb jerking gesture at renjun, who flicks a pencil his way. (he dodges successfully, all suave and shit. renjun curses under his breath.) “he has as much experience with relationships as my cactus.” donghyuck then proceeds to run off before he’s strangled.  
  
_deep breaths_ , renjun reprimands himself, _deep ass breaths_. it’s his own fault for making bad _life_ _(read: friend)_ choices, though there is a saying, “物以类聚” that is kind of equivalent to “feathers flock together”, not quite in a good way though- he mentally winces at how rusty his mandarin has become during his time in seoul, his grandma would kill him if she finds out how he hasn’t had a single mandarin conversation in months.  
  
“fam, jeno is fucking coming this way.”  
  
his thoughts are disturbed by the mess that is na jaemin and when there’s a messy na jaemin, there’s always a jeno straying nearby just as the mess proclaimed. he’s amazed at how whipped this guy is.  
  
“first of all, breath.” they both get up from their seats, eyes on jeno who makes his way over with purpose. jaemin keeps wiping his sweaty palm on his jeans, renjun wants to facepalm so hard. “smile and get your shit toge-”  
  
“hi! jaemin,” jeno greets ~~only jaemin~~ cheerily (renjun resists the urge to roll his eyes at how these two are all over each other. and why is it that no one ever lets him finish his sentences?), “i was wondering where you’d be.”  
  
obviously not true, jeno’s class is just next doors. they see each other almost every interval because na jaemin likes using donghyuck (who just happens to be jeno’s classmate) as an excuse to publicly drool over the guy. but of course, na jaemin is an idiot:  
  
“oh- yeah! well i was just hanging around.” he smiles sheepishly.  
  
jeno, who finally seems to notice renjun’s presence (out of courtesy, probably) is quick to offer a wave. “i didn’t know you were here. good seeing you, injun.”  
  
oh how he wants to say, “not really, i’m sure it’s just good to see na jae-stupid-min.” but he still has basic manners. so he shrugs, casually elbowing his best friend (“ow!”) in the process and says instead, “likewise.”  
  
“anyways,” jeno starts once again, this time voice coated with honey, literally dripping. he has really long lashes that frame his high cheekbones prettily and jaemin is so entranced, he basically wags his tail. “i know your friend donghyuck is like, really close to the upperclassmen.”  
  
how could he forget? renjun knows what this is heading for, hell he’s not about to hype a bunch of prim and proper honour students in their affairs of “battle for the student council seats”. as if they hadn’t had it bad enough when donghyuck promised his boyfriend that they would all support him at his debate contest. renjun never wants to be squeezed among nerds, ever again.  
  
“you remember jinrak, right?” renjun bets ten bucks that jaemin doesn’t know who that is, and renjun himself has no idea either. he has a clue though. another stuck up kid with some straight a report cards. “he’s running for student council president, and it’d mean the world to me if you could help me spread the news.”  
  
the conversation pauses, jeno shoves an agenda flyer into jaemin’s hands. “i’m his campaign manager and i really want jinrak to win. he’d do so much to benefit the student body.”  
  
this could really end up being a disaster and renjun wants no part of this. but who’s to stop na jaemin from supporting his sweetie-cutie-pretty-soft-honeybunch-snoogums? it’s a lost cause from the moment jeno gave him “the look”.  
  
“of course!” of-fucking-course. renjun thinks at this point, he could be a goddamn prophet. “i won’t let you down, jeno.” okay, he’s about to throw up.  
  
“thanks, i really appreciate it!”  
  
the two watch jeno run off as the bell signals the continuation of classes. he is really pretty, and if jaemin weren’t all over him, maybe renjun would consider him date worthy. well- no, not really. jeno is a bit too upbeat for his liking, which makes him and jaemin such a match. they’re both kinda annoyingly bright.  
  
“good luck getting donghyuck to help you.”

 

 

“so the almighty na jaemin needs my help.” the glint in donghyuck’s eyes is nasty and evil, renjun has always known that they’re best friends for a reason. “you never cease to amaze me.”  
  
“tell me about it.” renjun muses from his spot on the floor of the minuscule balcony. gently, he gives his cigarette a light flick and watches how the ash is carried off by a late september breeze.  
  
it’s really nice weather compared to the hell that is humid summer heat, he notes. the three’s shared apartment is more on the run down side of the city, with an air conditioning system that constantly malfunctions. they started renting the place during the second half of their first year in high school (it was actually all renjun’s at first, but he let them move in if they would share the rent), renjun being a transfer student from china, jaemin wanted to get away from his annoying relatives who live with his family and donghyuck who has (still does) a problematic family.  
  
it’s not much, but it’s an arrangement they’ve all become committed to.  
  
“so,” the spawn of devil starts, eyeing the thin agenda sheet. he looks rather unimpressed, but that’s just one of his default expressions and no one bothers with it. “jong jinrak? that’s a weird name. you want us to support this guy?”  
  
jaemin who’s fumbling with his phone (stalking jeno’s instagram no doubt), responds with a half-hearted hum. “jeno is his campaign manager.”  
  
“i heard something about campaign.” mark lee, star of the debate team, captain of the netball team, last year’s student council treasurer and last but not least, donghyuck’s new boyfriend, settles at the coffee table with a sizeable pot of ramyun.  
  
after smushing the head of his cigarette on the ground, renjun pads over to their kitchen to collect a few bowls and pairs of chopsticks. “jaemin wants to woo jeno, what’s new?”  
  
mark, who is saintly and has a good sense of humour, laughs and snatches the agenda from donghyuck’s hands.  
  
“i didn’t know chenle is running for student council president.”  
  
the air in the room stills and renjun nearly drops the utensils. thank goodness he doesn’t, obviously because he’s renjun and not jaemin. donghyuck on the other hand is the type to be throwing utensils, thank goodness he is not donghyuck either.  
  
no one dares speak as he lays out the utensils on the coffee table, and mark (who is incredibly observant) notices the unusual air. donghyuck frantically shakes his head at the eldest’s direction.  
  
so much for an easy afternoon.  
  
“you guys know chenle?” mark makes a show of eyeing them suspiciously. donghyuck’s head is still shaking and jaemin looks utterly terrified. renjun is the only one who won’t meet his gaze, which is apparently the clear sign of being the subject of the case. “renjun?”  
  
it’s no story to be passed around the campfire, nor is he particularly keen on letting anyone but the three of them know. but mark’s trustworthy (he keeps donghyuck in check and out of trouble, sometimes alive even) and he’s here to stay (donghyuck kind of loves him), there can’t be much harm. it’s not like he’ll try to play matchmaker or anything.  
  
“i had this crush on him for like a while before he started dating kang chanhee.”  
  
he hears an exasperated _“no way”_ and fills his bowl with the ramyun that is starting to soften (soggy ramyun is disgusting), hoping that the ramyun can fill the emptiness in his heart, at the same time the emptiness in his stomach. he’s not ready to think about chenle, or anything for that matter. screw life.

 

 

sleek black and sharp, his bike is his pride and is worth all his love that’s left intact after being house mates with devil spawn and whipped idiot for over a year. it’s somewhat a reminder that he is still cool, unlike the other two.  
  
“you look fantastic today.” he whistles, hand smoothing over the soft leather seating.  
  
“i always do.”  
  
renjun doesn’t need to turn his head around to know that it’s donghyuck, and so he doesn’t. it’s not the first time he’s tried to ignore someone’s presence in favour of his bike.  
  
“you’re heartless, you know that?” the statement makes them both laugh and he digs out his packet of cigarettes, tossing it to the other male.  
  
“i wouldn’t share my smokes if i were heartless.” his gaze flickers to where the other is standing, unbothered and eager for a drag. “i would be heartless, if i told mark that you’re smoking again.”  
  
the threat successfully shrinks donghyuck’s brash confidence. he tosses the pack back into renjun’s hand and leans against the wall, a lighted cigarette dangling from between his fingers. “you know i didn’t come to you for this.”  
  
it’s renjun’s turn to shrink, but the difference is, renjun wants to be shrinking physically until he’s as small as a speck of dust, instead it’s his self-control and rationality that’s dying out.  
  
“chenle is single now. it’s your chance, man.”  
  
renjun knows that, he’s known that for months. and he doesn’t need any reminders, really. it’s kind of embarrassing, that his friends are worried about his nonexistent love life. to think that just half a year ago, they were all hopeless and very much single. and now half of them (quoting jaemin, “i’m working on it!”) has a boyfriend.  
  
“seriously man, it’s now or never.” he hears the low thud of a boot’s heel crushing something on the pavement. what a waste of a perfectly good cigarette that is, donghyuck barely inhaled from it three times. “he’s gonna need a lot of help for this student council shit. mark said he’s been huddled up in the library till 7 everyday. it’s getting concerning. make your move already.”  
  
renjun doesn’t answer and donghyuck doesn’t push. after the other leaves, renjun slumps into a sit by his bike.

 

 

zhong chenle is the epitome of renjun’s destruction.  
  
he has a pair of brilliant eyes and a smile so dazzling, renjun would choke on air at the sight alone. so maybe all those jokes about jaemin being whipped are funny, but this is truly karma working it’s magic.  
  
“chenle, wanna sit with us?” did renjun ever think that mark is a saint? cause not anymore. why does donghyuck even insist on them all sitting together at lunch when the only thing the two of them do is make goo goo eyes at each other over burgers and fries. both devils should be gone.  
  
“i’d love to.”  
  
there it is again, that sweet personality. one does not simply exist to be perfect. but zhong chenle is truly a game changer.  
  
they met each other a few months into their first year in school, and boy was that an event. chenle (being the genius he is) had skipped a year and has been placed in the first class ever since- ever since. he’s diligent with all his school work, gets stacks of projects and files thrust into his arms on a daily basis and he still manages to bring peace and happiness to the dark world of social hierarchy plus hipster bullshit that is high school.  
  
renjun? he’s your residential badass who gets into fights every other weekend when he’s not sneaking into clubs illegally or setting cars on fire. just kidding, that’s what people thinks he does. he actually spends his weekends at home, watching variety show reruns with a smoke or two on the little balcony. sometimes, he enjoys a few beers with donghyuck and jaemin, but that’s as badass as it gets. he’s not the best kid in town, people just like to exaggerate things, and he’s never been bothered enough to correct them.  
  
in overall, the chances of them (renjun and chenle) actually meeting would be lower than donghyuck dating mark. that’s how the world works though, rather funny and not predictable at all.  
  
renjun and chenle did meet like fate itself would have it, during a tutoring guidance or whatever thing they call it. because as cool as renjun looks, he’s lowkey incompetent. no one is really competent in a foreign country, tackling a language they barely know. six months, he was still doing pretty bad in class and he’d fail everything without some help. there came chenle, who was half forced onto him by their academic counselor.  
  
thinking back, he’s kind of glad that he was thrown into a crazy loop of studying and conversation skill polishing with chenle.  
  
(“this equation might get a bit tricky. just take it slow.”  
  
he groans in frustration and drops the pen, letting it roll off the edge of the table and onto the ground. he’s had enough of this. “ya know what? just let me leave. if we don’t tell anyone, they won’t know you let me go.” he’s never had exceptional grades anyways, what’s the point?  
  
“you know i can’t do that.” there’s a sigh, a pause that’s filled with silence, and chenle bends down to pick up the pen from the ground.  
  
renjun would commend him for that, he has as much patience as a saint. but he’s really not in for this, it’s tiring. he just wants to go home, not that shabby apartment. he wants home, home.  
  
“is there any way you’ll let me out of this?”  
  
“no.” the answer comes curt and stern, there’s no falter to it. “look, i don’t want to be here anymore than you do. but you of all people know that you need to improve. this stuff is important and like it or not, you’re learning it or god help me, hwang renjun, i will destroy you and your precious bike.”  
  
the threat hits the right spot, the itch that will always be there, that you can never reach on your own. chenle hits it dead on and hard. as much as renjun doesn’t want to feel threatened, he thinks that chenle is after all, right about everything. why does he always have to be right about everything?  
  
“fine,” his lips pull tightly and he grabs at the pen once again, unwillingly focusing on the worksheet. “just- explain this formula slowly this time.”  
  
the smile that spreads out on chenle’s face doesn’t make him feel butterflies. but it’s surely getting there.)  
  
“i haven’t seen you in ages, renjun.”  
  
his head snaps up at the smooth pronunciation of his name, instead of the butchered korean version that they (the two dumbasses) came up with for convenience. even the way chenle says it feels like home.  
  
“we all have different classes.” he remarks nonchalantly (he’s trying, but his voice still wavers), “how are you?”  
  
the conversation between them is only one among many at the table wherein jaemin and donghyuck are having their usual banter while mark tries to support donghyuck in whatever the matter could be. but renjun knows that they’re all as tense as he feels, they’re just too polite and socially capable to stop talking so they can openly eavesdrop.  
  
“i’m fine,” that’s good- “but really tired.” nevermind.  
  
chenle does look tired, and compared to the last days renjun saw him down the hallway by the lockers before summer break, he looks thinner and more sullen. it’s the second semester pressure, everyone says. that’s nothing new, renjun supposes. though it’s no good look on sweet little chenle, it’s no good look on anyone.  
  
“is there anything i can help with?”  
  
there are two things about hwang renjun that devil spawn and whipped idiot know best: 1) he does not volunteer, for anything. 2) no one touches the bike, no one.  
  
breaking one of them is like breaking tradition, or maybe the world’s gone mad. jaemin’s choking on his fries and donghyuck’s eyes are wide (they’re usually already big), such behavior is pretty much hinting the apocalypse.  
  
“oh you don’t have to-”  
  
“i want to.”  
  
jaemin chokes again, donghyuck raises a brow. renjun is as whipped as whipped can be.  
  
chenle smiles shyly at that, dipping his head. “well, would you mind helping me with my speech? i could use some advice.”  
  
and god if that isn’t a horrible excuse. there are plenty of people who are better candidates as speech practicing buddies, renjun would be one of the worst choices. but it’ll work anyways.  
  
“help me with physics and you got yourself a deal.”  
  
it’s so sweet when chenle chuckles, so god-blessingly sweet. yeah, maybe he could use some tutoring again.

 

 

two minutes to eight and renjun still cannot grasp the concept of anything this book is trying to say. they’re both tired (chenle keeps yawning and rubbing at his eyes with balled fists, renjun is trying so hard not to explode) which doesn’t help in adding up to their situation. it’s like the perfect equation for a failed tutoring session.  
  
“i think we should take a break.” chenle pushes the book aside and renjun snaps out of his daze, his mind is as clogged as the third cubicle on the fourth floor in the west wing of school.  
  
they’ve been going at it for hours and yeah, chenle is a great tutor and all, but the fatigue still gets to him.    
  
“i’ll be right back.” he mumbles, just loud enough for chenle to hear and slips out of his seat, taking a few steps to stand in a dark corner outside the public library they’ve been studying at for the past weeks.  
  
with some effort, he digs around his pockets and finally pulls out the packet. it’s half empty and renjun plucks one out gingerly, placing it between his lips and lighting it up.  
  
these days have been quite eventful, with their efforts in gathering more support for chenle’s student council president election and their thursday study sessions (“those are study dates, jun. you’re not fooling anyone.” says donghyuck.). it’s all rather unfamiliar to renjun, he’s never experienced these things. but he realises that he’s gotten used to this, and it’s a lot like living for the first time, just in a different way.  
  
“that’s bad for you.”  
  
the sudden presence startles him but he’s hwang renjun, and in front of chenle, he always tries to maintain his cool. “i know it is.” he feels kind of speechless and stupid (all his wit has evaporated), but he’s never really felt intelligent around chenle. no one really does, he thinks. after all, chenle is akin to some kind of prodigy. it’s pretty amazing how effortless everything seems to him when renjun himself can barely tell the difference between cramer’s rule and sarrus’ rule. “but i’m hooked. you know all that, habits die hard and shit.”  
  
“i know.”  
  
under the faint glow of faraway street lights, chenle looks like a divine entity. he’s too good to be true (that’s one of the reasons why renjun has never made a move), everyone knows he’s too good for a crappy delinquent who wears leather jackets and rides around on a bike thinking he’s on top of the world.  
  
chenle never ceases to amaze him. the shorter (or just, short) boy stands right in front of him, looking strong and vulnerable at the same time. his frame is delicate, he reminds renjun of flowers in the meadow by his grandma’s house on the outskirts of town. oh how badly renjun wants to pluck him and keep him in his pocket.  
  
“my dad died of lung cancer.”  
  
there’s an evident tremble in chenle’s voice and renjun feels that pang again, attacking him every time he feels the need to protect this lovely boy, shield him away from all of the world’s harms.  
  
under such circumstances, the appropriate thing to say would be “i’m sorry for your loss”, but renjun is born to fuck up. he’s so good at it, that he’s gradually become the face of fuck ups, according to donghyuck.  
  
and as the king of fuck ups, he chooses to, as the title entails, fuck up.  
  
“i really like you.” his left hand holds chenle’s neck by the nape and he brings them together for a kiss. it’s very hesitant (so chenle can pull away if he wants to), careful (he doesn’t want to ruin the moment) but reckless (he’s been waiting to do this for so, so long) at the same time. his cigarette has dropped onto the dusty concrete and his palms are sweating and his breath smells heavily of menthol, but chenle doesn’t scream or kick at him and that’s a good enough sign for now.  
  
inevitably, they pull apart (although he wishes that they’d never have to) and chenle looks ready to run into traffic. renjun pries his hands from his face with extreme caution, not wanting to scare the boy away.  
  
“what do you think?” his words hang dry in the night air and he notices the shiver that runs down chenle’s dainty figure.  
  
“i think i need a hot chocolate and you need to stop smoking.” the boy beams, “but hey,” renjun is swooning. “i like you too.”

 

 

with finals and student council elections inching in as the days pass, renjun notices the shift of chenle’s emotions.  
  
it’s no surprise that the boy is feeling beyond pressured and anxious. there’s way too much to do between managing school events, preparing for exam hell and everything else. it’s a wonder that chenle is still up and running, most days able to function like a proper human being.  
  
today is one of the bad days and renjun is about ready to grab chenle’s hand and make a bolt for the door. but they can’t do that, they have to sit through an honest to god useless assembly. no one is awake enough for this shit.  
  
“you okay?” he gently brushes a stray strand of hair aside from chenle’s face that looks pale and it’s a sight that churns at renjun’s heart.  
  
“obviously, no.” chenle says moodily, lips pinched into a small frown.  
  
it’s one of those small expressions that chenle often has. the type that is subtle, subtle enough that it could be ignored or passed off as expressionless. but if you take a closer look, his displeasure is so evident, he radiates the energy of utter dissatisfaction.  
  
admittedly, renjun is a jerk and as much as he doesn’t like an upset chenle, he finds the boy just as cute in this state.  
  
“i think i have an idea, just follow my lead.” he whispers into chenle’s ear and moments later, starts making gagging and coughing noises that alert the people around them.  
  
chenle briefly falls into a state of panic but then catches onto renjun’s intentions. he carefully clutches renjun by the arm as a teacher approaches them.  
  
“i’ll bring him to the infirmary.”  
  
renjun and chenle catch each other’s gazes and there’s a spark that they’ve both learned to read after periods of being in each other’s presence. it sets renjun’s heart on a frantic rhythm, because this connection, this adrenaline as they make for the exit while he keeps up the ill act — this is all he’s never known and it feels like it’s all he’ll ever need.  
  
they breath heavily, backs pressed firmly against a wall when they’re a good distance away from the auditorium and prying eyes. it feels like the first time he ever grasped the handlebar of his bike: unfamiliar, jittery, excitement thrumming through his veins. it drives him forward, coaxes him to want more.  
  
“we could get into so much trouble for this.” chenle croaks, his throat probably dry from all the running.  
  
“but it was fun?” renjun says, the end of his sentence lifts in pitch due to uncertainty.  
  
“but it was fun.” chenle nods, smile bright and cheeks still flushed.

 

 

the beer is still ice cold in his grasp after a long walk all the way down from the convenience store. renjun takes a large gulp, the alcohol smooths down his throat as water droplets trickle down his fingers. they’re as cold as the beer.  
  
“it's been ages, hasn’t it?” donghyuck asks, gaze lost in the sea of city lights that blaze across the night sky.  
  
they’re sat in a loose circle, legs spread and bodies wrapped in leather jackets that aren’t quite enough to shield off the autumn chill. that’s how it’s always been.  
  
“we live together, man. we see each other every day.”  
  
renjun rolls his eyes at jaemin’s remark, he’s never been the smartest of their bunch.  
  
“i mean us, spending time like this. dumbass.” donghyuck plucks a handful of grass and flings it at jaemin, but they’re carried away by a swoop of wind.  
  
it’s true that the three of them don’t spend as much time together as they used to. they all have love lives now. donghyuck is always off with mark, jaemin on dates with jeno and renjun just spending time with chenle.  
  
renjun kind of misses this. them.  
  
“things change.” he says and digs out his smokes and lighter. “want one?” his gaze fixates on jaemin while tapping a cigarette against the plastic packet.  
  
much to his surprise, jaemin shakes his head. “i promised jeno i’d stop.”  
  
silence ensues and renjun proceeds to light the tip. the warmth that fills his lungs is comforting, but his head is swimming with hazy thoughts.  
  
to think that more than two years ago, the three had met over a mutual preference of menthol and were arguing over who would get to buy the last pack at the convenience store around the corner from their school.  
  
things really do change.  
  
“what about you?” he feels a jab against his right thigh and scowls at donghyuck. “i thought you’d stop too, for chenle.”  
  
holding the stick, he falls back on soft grass and shakes his head until his fringe has fallen over his eyes. the tips are still a vibrant red but they’re slowly fading, he should dye them again soon.  
  
“that’s one thing i don’t want to change.” _you know what smoking is for me_ , his gaze tells the other two. “i’m not ready for it to change.”  
  
jaemin, who’s been rather quiet, sloshes the content of his can and heaves a breath. “that’s bullshit. you’re totally ready.” renjun hasn’t seen such a serious side of jaemin’s in a long time. “you’re just scared.”  
  
suddenly, it feels like suffocation, all the smoke in his lungs could bury him ten feet under. he runs a hand through his hair and watches the smoke slip past his lips. they rise into the crisp night air.  
  
he’s scared. it’s true. putting down smoking is like leaving a piece of himself behind. a piece that he’s grown into and learned to embrace.  
  
renjun kind of understands why people compare relationships to rivers. it might drown him over, but it feels intriguing nonetheless.  
  
his eyes fall shut because of fatigue and chenle’s smile appears, imprinted on the back of his eyelids.  
  
maybe he does want to take that dip into unknown waters.

 

 

“i keep getting this wrong.”  
  
normally, when the two of them spend time trying to perfect chenle’s speech. they end up messing around and not doing much speechreading.  
  
if the election isn’t so close (too close for comfort), they’d still be messing around.  
  
although renjun has little to no experience with public speaking, it doesn’t take an expert to notice that chenle is incredibly frustrated.  
  
“you’re doing perfectly fine.” he coaxes, calloused palm (from hours of tampering with gears and tyres) stroking over soft strands.  
  
they’re sitting across each other, chenle’s legs are pulled up to his chest on his bed and renjun is seated in the swivel chair that creaks whenever he tries to spin around. he really likes this, the steady ticking of chenle’s wall clock accompanying their calm breathing. everything is at peace and renjun really wants to hold chenle.  
  
“fine isn’t good enough.” the sides of the paper crumble under chenle’s force on them and renjun winces while prying the sheets from chenle’s hands, carefully settling them behind him on the desk.  
  
“baby.” he says, with chenle’s wrists clutched in his palms (there’s no strength to the hold).  
  
“yes?” chenle looks dreary and renjun is suddenly at a loss of words.  
  
instead of baseless formalities of comfort (that don’t help at all), he presses in until his forehead bumps against chenle’s. he can see the shadow of sweeping lashes on pale cheeks under the artificial fluorescent. chenle is just beautiful, simply put.  
  
“i’m here for you.”  
  
chenle blushes. renjun delves in for a kiss.

 

 

whilst others like to count their lives by days, renjun has gradually started to count his life by his moments spent with chenle.  
  
the day is rainy (the week is, actually) and although renjun has nothing against rain, chenle’s not too fond of the natural phenomenon.  
  
renjun has a pretty good guess why.  
  
“this sucks. i don’t wanna walk home in the rain.” chenle complains as they’re heading for the school gates, his bag slung over renjun’s shoulder. (two reasons: one, renjun shoves all of his own books into his locker. two, renjun is very persistent on carrying chenle’s bag.)  
  
he can’t just let chenle suffer from downpour. the boy’s home is like several streets away, although close, but the rain is rather harsh. chenle could get sick. renjun’s eyes flicker around and spot an umbrella that’s perched against the janitor’s closet.  
  
“who says anything about walking home in the rain?” his lips spread into a devilish grin and he takes hold of said umbrella.  
  
“are you sure we should do that?” chenle’s face scrunches slightly in thought.  
  
“there’s no harm done,” he gives the umbrella a firm shake. water droplets splatter onto the cheap ugly school tiles and when the umbrella spreads out, renjun gives it a once over. it’s a lot smaller than he thought it would be. “trust me.”  
  
the other male looks hesitant for a good minute but ultimately succumbs to the idea of dry clothes and dry hair and getting back home sooner than later. he sighs in defeat. “alright.”  
  
it’s a good excuse. it’s actually a great excuse, renjun thinks, as they’re standing at the edge of ground that’s covered by the roof. swiftly, he snakes an arm around chenle’s shoulder and pulls the boy flush against his side.  
  
“renjun.”  
  
“yeah?”  
  
“when are you gonna let me ride on your bike?”  
  
don’t get him wrong. he loves chenle to bits, there’s no one who he holds closer to his heart nowadays. but there are some things that still require some self-persuasion (his bike is literally his life).  
  
“really soon, i promise.”

 

 

the frantic atmosphere is everywhere, enveloping the entire school in a thick uneasiness as the elections arrive.  
  
this year, it’s chenle against lee chan, star of the football team, the cheer squad’s favourite and a crowd pleaser.  
  
the tension on chenle’s shoulders seems to increase each day.  
  
“how are my chances?”  
  
“they’re good, don’t worry. we have the first years and most of the second years covered.”  
  
renjun would feel ecstatic for chenle because the statistics seem to be on their side, but no one told him that kang chanhee is chenle’s vice president of choice.  
  
don’t take him wrong. he doesn’t hate the guy. kang chanhee is probably one of the most likeable people he knows in school. the guy is bright, has a very pleasant personality, hard determination set in his eyes. he exceeds expectations academically, he’s their school’s taekwondo representative, he’s attractive _as_ _hell_.  
  
no, renjun doesn’t hate him. he just feels mildly threatened and uncomfortable, although there is nothing more between chenle and kang chanhee than the norm. they’re working together, it’s not something to fuss over.  
  
a cough resonates around the meeting room and renjun is pulled out of his inner turmoil.  
  
“are you okay?” renjun and kang chanhee ask at the same moment. the air is as still as monday morning traffic.  
  
“i’m fine.” chenle brushes off any concern with a wave (renjun is very much not convinced) and gets up from his seat. “i’ll be right back.”  
  
everything gets (somehow possibly) worse once chenle has walked out of the room. he and kang chanhee stare at each other, he’s totally not up for a fist fight but he’ll step up to it if he has to.  
  
in the midst of a chaotic foresight (more like prediction) he has in his mind, kang chanhee gets up as well and renjun reacts so quickly, his chair is knocked over in the process. they stand alone, eye to eye (good god they’re about the same height) and face to face.  
  
“you should go after him.”  
  
what a jerk- wait. what?  
  
“you should go check on him.”  
  
renjun stares, dumbfounded. he blinks, once, twice, and nods. “uh, yeah. i should.” and he strides out the door, thanking any godly entity out there that his pride is still intact.  
  
“chenle.” he calls out, wandering down the dim hallway (he gives his phone a glance, it’s already late into the evening, about six thirty. everyone else in the school are long gone, except for the guards and janitor.)  
  
“there you are.” he mumbles softly to no one in particular when his eyes find a small shadow tucked into the corner of a music room.

upon approach, chenle is curled in on himself. his figure is shaky (like renjun’s heart) and when he lifts his head, there are tear stains on his cheeks. the emotional pain is far harder to endure than the physical pain of breaking a leg. (he, of all people would know.)  
  
“i’m scared.”  
  
the words echo in the hollow classroom, they’re far too loud for his ears (and his heart).  
  
“i’m here.” renjun says, voice firm. he gets onto his knees and collects chenle in his arms, bringing the younger male into his embrace. “i’m here.”  
  
they stay like that, albeit tiring, renjun doesn’t dare shift. if he does, he fears that chenle will be crushed by the force of pressure and instability.  
  
he knows, chenle is not made of glass. but flesh and bones can be so fragile. the heart is even more so.  
  
“everyone tells me they’ll support me,” chenle finally speaks when his sniffles have died down. “they tell me that i’m doing great and that i’ll win.” he has an iron grip on renjun’s arm. “but what if i don’t?”  
  
what if? yeah. there are countless of “what if” in the world. renjun is no saint, he can’t answer that question.  
  
“then i’ll be here, by your side. and you’ll stay strong, like the chenle i know.”  
  
“you’re right.” chenle visually relaxes, body becoming slack against his hold.  
  
this feels right. what is right and wrong exactly? renjun has no idea. he’s a very instinctive person, he trusts whatever he thinks is right. and this, to him, this is what right is. chenle in his arms, reliant on him, leaning against him. if right has a definition, this feels like it.  
  
“chenle, promise me one thing?” he breathes shakily, his nose nuzzling into the crown of his boyfriend’s silky soft hair. “from now on, only rely on me.”  
  
“always.”  
  
he can hear the smile in chenle’s answer.

 

 

voting day is nothing but a ruckus. you’d think people would be deterred from such nerdy events, but no, it’s literally the talk of the town. the jocks, the cheerleaders, the drama club, the hipsters, the science geeks, the delinquents, it’s all the cliques in school standing for sides. the hunger games seem to pale in comparison.  
  
everyone is ushered into the auditorium as soon as the bell rings (usually signaling the start of classes). the place is packed to the brim, and they’re all here for the election speech. the last stand in the election.  
  
chenle peeps into a gap through the heavy red curtains (they’re standing backstage, waiting for chenle’s cue) and renjun can feel the mental breakdown waiting to happen.  
  
“i can’t do this.” the boy whines, his body is trembling with fear and anxiety.  
  
“don’t say that.” renjun says, hands securely grasping chenle’s that are still quivering. “you can do this. you can do this.” he repeats, hoping that chenle receives the strength in his gaze as their eyes meet.  
  
“there’s nothing you can’t do, chenle.” _like capturing my heart_.  
  
renjun hears him gulp and his eyes flicker to the bob of the other’s adam’s apple. chenle is evidently calmer, his head nods along to renjun’s every word like a trance.  
  
“trust me.” he murmurs in his rusty chinese, chapped lips brushing the side of chenle’s left ear. he can smell the scent of vanilla and cinnamon, it’s chenle and it’s _home_.  
  
chenle’s faith in renjun seems endless, as is renjun’s love for chenle  
  
“i trust you.” four chinese syllables that anchor his heart.  
  
renjun silently prays as he watches his boyfriend step out onto the stage, head held high and spirits held higher. the crowd roars.  
  
his job is done, he notes. he shoves his hands into his pockets, feeling the shape of his cigarettes and lighter.  
  
renjun dumps them into the nearest trash can and doesn’t look at them anymore. they were just pieces of him that will be missed but are now (and will remain) far gone.

 

 

the voting results are announced the day after the voting and sadly, chenle doesn't win.  
  
he only lost by a portion, which lee chan had won through his popularity with the girls and a large half of the sport teams.  
  
chenle had assured renjun that it was alright when they’d met in the hallway during their interval right after the result announcements, but seeing the boy acting as though he's fine is a lot more devastating than seeing the boy crying and making a fuss. they all know how much effort chenle has put into the campaign. he's such a small boy with such big ideals, and all renjun wants is to see him happy.  
  
"let me walk you home." he offers. he’s standing a good few feet behind chenle who is heading out the school gates.  
  
chenle falters in his tracks at the proposal and lifts his head to see renjun looking worried and solemn. the weak smile chenle offers in return sends an arrow through renjun's heart (it’s not the good kind, definitely not the good kind). it feels worse than being beaten up and hell, he knows how that feels.  
  
"it's okay. i'll walk on my own."  
  
"well, stay safe." renjun says stiffly and walks off, hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket as he rounds the corner. his heart beats against his bones like consistent drumming, it won’t stop. he evens out his breath whilst pressed to the grimy wall, uncaring that his leather jacket might get scratched by the rough texture. he’s been planning this surprise for ages, be it celebratory or compensating.  
  
_it’s gonna work_ , he tells himself. _it’s gonna work_ , he tries to convince himself. _this is it_ , he says to himself. _it’s now or never.  
  
_ his palms are clammy and the inside of his leather gloves stick to his skin uncomfortably as he hurriedly mounts his bike. _do your magic, baby_. his hands grip and let go of the handlebars several times before he slowly eases the vehicle towards an unsuspecting chenle.  
  
the boy is evidently disappointed that renjun didn't insist on walking him home, with how his head is drooped and fists clenching the straps of his backpack tightly. the thought itself makes renjun smile.  
  
"i think you should get on."  
  
the look of astonishment on chenle’s face is like a spiral of sunlight and flowers, everything lovely in the world (because all things lovely in the world can’t compare to chenle). renjun holds out the spare helmet, which chenle accepts with excitement.  
  
"you're such a jerk." he complains, a dark hue spreading across his cheeks to the tip of his ears. he looks absolutely adorable.  
  
"i know," renjun is smug with amusement as the other boy puts on the helmet and gets behind him on the bike. "and you like this jerk."  
  
a thwack on the back is what he gets, but he only laughs, airy and bright - like he's never truly known what happiness is before this, before chenle.    
  
and hey, perhaps that’s true.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> hmu @ on my new [tumblr](https://quanlintrbl.tumblr.com/) and on [twitter](https://twitter.com/s0ftjae).


End file.
